When your child comes out as trans, you may feel lost, not necessarily understanding transidentity, your trans child or how to be present for them. However, being supportive, affirming your gender, and showing compassion are the best things you can do as a parent.
My child has come out as trans, what should I do?
Already, trans people have always existed! However, it's only recently that more and more trans people feel safe coming out, and that's why we're seeing more and more trans kids. If your child has come out to you, it's the first sign that you're doing something right. This means he felt comfortable enough to confide in you about his gender.
For many parents who are not around LGBTQ+ people, this can be difficult. If you don't know what to do, supporting your child is the first and most important step.
What can I do to support my trans child?
There are many ways to support your trans child when they come out. You can start by helping him with his social transition. For example, your child may want to start using a different name, pronouns, and words to describe themselves. This can be a very distressing process, and it is important that you, as a parent, make this process as easy as possible.
It is likely that your child might start using different words to describe themselves or to talk about their trans identity. It's normal to feel lost at first. It is important to try to understand these new terms and take the time you need. However, at the same time, you must remain patient with your child and respect their new steps. To help him, you can support him and avoid doubting his choices (change of first name, pronoun, taking hormones, etc.)
Love him unconditionally
The first thing to do may seem obvious, but love your child unconditionally. Love him even if you don't completely understand what he's going through. Children need a favorable environment to grow. Research has shown that having at least one parent who supports your LGBTQ+ child can reduce their suicidal thoughts by 40%. Loving your trans child also means defending them when they are the victim of discrimination. You can support him by intervening if you witness and support him when necessary.
Help him choose a name and pronouns
Your child may want to change their first name. Although first names do not have a gender, social norms have assigned them one. They may therefore have the impression that their first name is too masculine or too feminine. This isn't necessarily the case for all trans children, and your child may never want to change their name. Each experience and journey of a trans person is different!
However, if they decide to change their first name, this is an excellent opportunity for you, as a parent, to help them in this process. If your child already has a few names in mind, make a list together. Ask them if they would like you to try different names to determine which one suits them best.
Once your child has chosen a first name, try not to get the gender wrong, and don't use their first name at birth. Mistakes happen, of course, but try to avoid them!
Learn about trans identity
You may have a million questions to ask your child when they tell you they are trans. Make sure you educate yourself first before asking questions that may hurt him.
Informing yourself could also help you better understand transidentity and what your child is going through! You can watch films, TV series, documentaries or read books about and by trans people. You can also check the numerous online resources who provide information on these subjects or go see trans associations which organize discussion groups.
In short, make sure you are your child's greatest support, ally and defender. Celebrate him for who he is. If others are mistaken about their gender, correct them and set boundaries with unsupportive family members to protect your child's well-being. Let your child know that they are not alone, and that you are there for them! By following these steps, you ensure that they will be happier in their life and in their journeys.
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